The Influence Shift – July 2026

Who are you really as a leader?

If I asked you to describe yourself, what words would you use?

Something I’ve noticed among clients, and in my own journey, is that how we think about ourselves in leadership, and the words we use, matter.

A lot.

Because whatever we believe we need to be, that’s what we’ll spend every day chasing. And what we’re chasing determines who’s actually at the center of our leadership: us, or the people we lead.

Some leaders believe they must have all the answers.  Others want to please everyone, so they say ‘yes’ to everything.

Different pitfalls, same root: both keep the focus on ourselves — on proving we’re right, or making sure we’re liked — instead of on the people we are leading and the organization we work for.

I know this one from the inside.

I think back to my experience as a young leader at the steel mill. I very much had the mindset that I needed to be right to be effective. And when I wasn’t sure? I got quiet — or I made decisions with what looked like conviction but wasn’t (and were sometimes wrong).

I thought my logic would lead, but I never tested it. It did the opposite of leading, it divided.

I couldn’t lead because of how I thought of myself in that role. I was so focused on being right that I stopped paying attention to the people I was supposed to be leading.

The pleasing belief does the same damage from the other direction. If we make a decision that doesn’t feel right to us just to keep everyone happy, we’ve quietly compromised a value to please someone else.

That’s the cost — we trade our influence for approval, and end up with less of both.

How can we truly lead when we are chasing a definition of success that may not align with our actual contribution?

“We often set young leaders up for a fall when we ask them what they can do before we ask them who they can be.”

— Ruth Haley Barton

So true.

How does this thinking align with your values, your strengths, your weaknesses – and who you want to grow into?

And here’s what I’d add: who you decide to be doesn’t just determine your effectiveness. It determines whether the people around you grow, or just orbit you.

Here’s the trap:

Whether it’s needing the answers or needing everyone’s approval, both are chasing something measurable and safe. Identity work isn’t as measurable. It’s slower, quieter, and honestly a little uncomfortable. So we skip it. Myself included, back at that mill.

What I’ve learned since is that sometimes all you need is a goal post. An honest look at how you currently think, and a clear sense of who you want to be – specifically, the kind of leader who raises others up instead of needing them to confirm you’re right or like you.

Making the shift:

From → needing to have the answers to feel valuable.
To → getting clear on who I want to be as a leader.

From → needing everyone to like me.
To → making decisions I can stand behind, even when they’re unpopular.

✨Here’s how to start setting that goal post:

1. Name your belief. Write down the sentence you tell yourself about your worth as a leader — “I’m valuable when I have the answers,” or “I’m valuable when people like me.” Just naming it takes away some of its power.
2. Check who it’s really serving. Ask honestly: is this belief protecting me, or is it actually helping the people I lead grow?
3. Pick one decision this week. The next time you’re unsure, notice whether you’re reaching for “being right” (or being liked) or reaching for what actually helps someone rise. Choose the second one, even if it’s less comfortable.

🖋️What’s one word you’d want people to use to describe you as a leader, and does how you’re showing up this week actually earn it?

Want some help setting your goal posts?   Download a free copy of the Leadership Identity Guide and get clear on the kind of leader you want to become.

📞Book a call with me if you have any questions.