The Influence Shift – May 2026

May 2026

How self-awareness turns you into the leader in the room

Every client I work with in the SoftSkillable Leadership programs: Leadership Launchpad or the 12-month Coaching and Accountability – experiences the same thing.

Almost immediately, they develop a new sense of awareness of how others show up in the conversations they find themselves in.

They start to discern their own communication style from the other person’s, and as a result, they lead the conversation instead of being led by it.

What does that actually look like?

Picture this:

Jo is direct, driven, and outspoken. She walks into Steve’s office. She needs to delegate something fast.

“Hey Steve, can you do this thing for me? Should only take five minutes. K, thanks!”

Steve who has a different personality style is steady, people-centered, and thoughtful – immediately feels pushed. His guard goes up.

“Hi Jo… I’m not sure I understand the urgency. Can you tell me a little more about what you need?”

Jo is already frustrated. It’s a simple ask.

“Steve, it’s really straightforward – can you just have a look? I’m swamped.”

Steve replies, “Ok… I’d really prefer we chat about this. How was your weekend, by the way?”

“Ugh. Nevermind. I’ll just do it myself.”  Jo leaves.

Steve feels dismissed. Jo feels unsupported. And neither one of them did anything wrong.  They were just operating entirely inside their own style, with zero visibility into what the other person needed.

That’s the blind spot. And it costs teams trust every single day.

“Self-awareness is the foundation for high performance, smart choices, and lasting relationships.” — Tasha Eurich, Insight

Here’s the trap:

Most people assume that if their intentions are good, the impact will be too. But style differences don’t care about intention. Jo wasn’t trying to be rude. Steve wasn’t trying to be difficult. Both were doing exactly what felt natural –  and that’s what got them in trouble with each other. Natural doesn’t always land.

Making the shift.

Leadership begins with you. Self-awareness is the first leadership skill – and the most critical one – because you can’t read the room if you don’t know where you stand in it.

Which of these sounds most like you?

☐ You’re focused on tasks, outspoken, and driven by results. Small talk slows you down. You need action.

☐ You love people and light up in a crowd. You can see someone’s potential from a mile away and you want them to be part of something bigger.

☐ You care deeply about people, but prefer to stay out of the spotlight. You value routine, reliability, and the team above all else.

☐ You’re reserved and detail-obsessed. You want to understand every angle before you move. Your work speaks for itself — you don’t need to.

Pick the 1 or 2 that resonate most. That’s your starting point.

Here’s the part that surprises most people:

There is no best style for leadership. All four show up in great leaders. What separates them isn’t which style they have, it’s that they know their style, and they’re willing to shift when the person in front of them needs something different.

That adaptability is where your influence lives.

Three things to try this week:

Name your style. Even just to yourself. Write down the one or two descriptors that fit -and sit with them.

Think of one relationship that feels strained or stuck. What style might they be? What might they need from you that you haven’t been giving?

Before your next difficult conversation, ask: What does this person need from me right now?  Not what do I want to say?

How well do you know your style and what’s the toughest dynamic you’re navigating right now? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one