The Influence Shift – February 2026

February 2026

The Advice Trap: Why Your Best Thinking Might Be Getting in the Way

As a technical leader, you worked hard to know your stuff. And nothing—I mean nothing—lights you up more than sharing your discoveries, thinking, and ideas.

But leadership is different. And your impact comes from a different approach.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely unheard, even though the other person was nodding and offering advice? 🤔

I see this all the time in leadership. Advice comes fast, confidently… and completely misses the mark.🤦‍♀️

The solution is sound—but it’s for the wrong problem.

This showed up for me recently when I asked a thoughtful question in a support group on behalf of a client. One response came fast (from a coach, no less)—full of opinions and resources, but zero curiosity. The advice, was not helpful.  His eagerness to help got in the way of truly understanding what I needed.

It reminded me of something Dr. Ellen Langer of Harvard said: “When we think we know, we stop paying attention.”

Here’s the trap: 

Many leaders feel pressure to always have the right answer (myself included). This pressure pulls attention inward and creates a dangerous pattern: while you’re thinking about what you know, worrying about how you’re perceived, or crafting the perfect response, you’ve stopped listening.

Here’s the truth:
People want to be heard more than they want solutions. And you don’t need to have the answer in order to do that.

The shift you need to make:

From → pressure to have all the answers
To → curiosity to ask better questions

From → listening to respond
To → listening to understand

From → solving the problem in front of you
To → discovering the real problem beneath it

A simple framework that changes everything

✨ Listen – Give them your full attention

✨ Understand – Seek clarity before responding

✨ Communicate in their world – Speak to what they actually need

This takes the focus off of you and puts it where it belongs: on the person you’re serving. That’s where your real influence lives.

As Jerry Ballard said: “All miscommunication comes from differing assumptions.”

In your next conversation, try this:

1. Be curious and really listen to the person talking to you.
2. Ask questions to help you understand what they are saying.
3. Mirror back what you heard before offering answers.

You might be surprised how much more effective—and trusted—you become. 💡

Question for reflection: When was the last time you chose curiosity over advice? What did you discover?